More than a year ago, I remember thinking about what my legacy would be “if I died today” and I felt pretty sad not feeling like I had one. I’d look at remarkable, gifted people and couldn’t help but think that I paled in comparison. No big inventions under my belt (although plenty of out-of-the-box ideas tucked away if that counts!), no cures for life threatening diseases, no saving lives in an emergency room or on the side of the road in a “right-place-at-the-right-time” kind of way. Nope, I was just an average mom, a decent wife (in my opinion anyway), a hard working employee, and loyal friend and family member to those I loved. Just like almost everyone else in the world. And, that thought pierced my conscious and caused me to do some deep soul searching.
I know God didn’t create me to just use the Earth’s most precious resources without giving something back in return. But what? What gift did God give me? Surely, He’s given everyone at least one. Those people with legacies? Those are the ones who discovered their gift. I have lived long enough to know that as much as I aspire to be a good singer, singing ain’t it. And, as much as I love Picasso’s work, I’m surely not his rival. Then I think about how it’s too late in my life for med school or law school, especially because the desire and energy just isn’t there.
That deep soul searching? It initiated with prayer. The bible says,
He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.Ephesians 3:20, NIV
Oh Lord, I don’t know what vision You had for my life when You created me, and what it is that You desire me to accomplish before I go, but I pray that You show me. Use me. Use my circumstance. I would love to help people, I just don’t know how. Please help me discover what gift(s) You gave me that may enable me to help others. And if I’ve gotten it wrong, correct me. Lead me, and I will follow. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Then I remembered.
I had stifled my childhood desire to be an author. Although I have no evidence of it other than memories, I remember writing books during my “pre-high school” summer break boredom. Nothing award winning I’m sure, but probably impressive in its own right given my age. And there, tucked away in the depths of my soul, was this desire to be a published author.
A writer, huh, God? Ok, I guess I did say I’d follow…
Do you think you’re living to your full potential and in accordance with God’s will?